Last updated on August 22, 2023
While I know many people who have an internal world representation in their own head, which many call this either an inner-world or a headspace, it is not always the case that every individual with DID/OSDD-1 will naturally have one. It is, however, possible to create and change one’s inner-world which can be in turn used to help facilitate communication, growth, and healing throughout the person.
As part of my EMDR therapy one of the tasks I’ve had to try and engage in is creating a safe space in my mind, one where I am able to escape to and feel completely safe within. Some of the examples my therapist gave me of potential safe spaces were complex and consisted of detailed scenery and lots of different security measures to protect the safe space, other safe spaces were just a vague concept of an environment, like the waves of the ocean on the sand of a beach.
I listened to the examples my therapist offered as well as looked at all sorts of examples I could find online, but I really struggled to find anything that I could imagine in a tangible sense. It was as though every possible environment I could physically be in still felt that it could be unsafe, I simply couldn’t imagine being safe while existing in physical space instead. Which is why when I realised I could create a space where my existence is digital, instead of physical.
A password protected, bitlocker encrypted USB with the root directory hidden and other files hidden deep within thus became my inner world, and I am merely a piece of data amongst other data on that USB. I had a spare USB lying around so I’ve also made efforts to turn this USB into a representation of a safe space for me to have a physical tangible reference point to base my imagination on. I have the safety of being able to password protect and encrypt everything on it, as well as all the comfort of the files of things listing favourite childhood medias and the NDS emulator and ROM files for Animal Crossing Wild World and Enchanted Folk and the School of Wizardry, both games that had a massive impact in keeping me sane through my childhood. I plan to fill the USB up with more things that bring good memories and feelings up to further emphasise the safety of it, and continue working on envisioning myself in the worlds of the USB, finding comfort from the characters in my games, and caring for myself.
I also have a counterpart USB to the safety USB, one that is intended for me to write down stuff about traumatic memories and other negative experiences and then be able to eject it and put it away for later. So that I can still acknowledge the feeling and later process the feelings when I can but that it does not get in the way of me functioning on a day to day basis.